Category: Ask Shade

Ask Shade: He Left Everything to His children From a Previous Marriage! How Do I Secure My Child’s Future?

Dear Shade,

I’m in my early 30s engaged to a widower in his 50s. We plan to get married in a few months and I‘m already pregnant. While cleaning his study last week, I stumbled on something that looks like his Will and it seems like he already willed everything to the three children from his previous marriage. Since then I’ve been worried about my unborn children. What would be their fate? What if something suddenly happened to their father, will they have anything from him? How can I be sure what I found is really his valid Will? Since I’m already carrying his child, I am contemplating asking him to write another Will. The document I found dated back to 2009, what of assets he has acquired after he wrote this Will? Please advise me, how can I secure my children’s future?

Fikayo, Lagos

***
Hello Fikayo,

I completely understand and empathize with your situation as it could be quite a challenge bringing up the issue of Wills with your fiancé considering the fact that you are not yet married to him. It is only natural that you are concerned about the security of your children’s future, given the prevailing circumstance. Your concerns are valid and thinking about an update of your fiancé’s estate plan is the way to go.

The details you provided about the document you stumbled upon are hardly enough for me to ascertain if it is indeed your fiancé’s Will. However, even if it is not his Will, it is likely an indication that a Will exists, and your fiancé is knowledgeable and intentional about estate planning. I think you should find a little relief in this fact, it gives you a good pedestal to start the conversation about an amendment and all that.

It should interest you to note that the Wills Law of Lagos State makes it necessary for your fiancé to make provisions for all his dependents in a Will which would include your unborn child and subsequent children. In the event that he refuses to make the appropriate provision, he must state a reason or reasons for his refusal. You should also be aware that since you are not yet married to him you do not outrightly become his dependent, the baby notwithstanding.

If all else is in place, you should focus on getting married as the marriage will confer on you rights as a dependent and give you the needed standing to discuss his succession plan. Once married statutorily-that is marriage done through a marriage registry, all prior Wills written by your husband (including his 2009 Will) would become invalid according to the provisions of the Wills Law. He would therefore need to rewrite his Will based on the statutory marriage with you.

Should there be any fatality to your husband after your marriage without him rewriting his Will, you would be entitled to all his personal belongings (items like clothes, jewelry, watches etc) and one-third of his estate according the Administration of Estate Law while his children would be entitled to two-thirds of the estate. These unspecific distributions could however be likely cause of dispute amongst family members due to valuation and sharing issues relating to the Assets. Should the unfortunate occur before your wedding, the child should still be considered his dependent.

I understand that the subject of Wills may appear to be a bit emotional, but I would recommend that you subtly encourage your fiancé upon marriage to re-write his Will so that the intestacy rules are prevented and the beneficiaries’ gifts are clearly stated to reduce dispute amongst family members. You should also consider writing your Will if you do not have one.

Thanks to everyone who has reached out to me with their concerns. If you would like to have your question featured, please email your question to [email protected]. ARM has a new and easy way for people to get started on their last will and testament. The Easy Will portal  is designed to take the stress off getting a Will. In a few clicks, interested people can now easily get a valid and secure Will online. Have a look here.

Warm regards,

Shade

The post Ask Shade: He Left Everything to His children From a Previous Marriage! How Do I Secure My Child’s Future? appeared first on Realising Ambitions.

Ask Shade- My father had a secret family

Dear Shade,

Please help us. Until my father’s unexpected demise (he slumped and died), we did not realise he had a secret family. We always thought his frequent visits to Ibadan were business related but apparently, we were wrong. The Ibadan woman bore him two sons and a daughter while my mother has just my twin sister and I. While he married my mother traditionally, he married the other woman at the marriage registry. The problem now is she has proof that over half of my father’s property were purchased in her name and she is insistent on claiming ownership, as there is no Will. If this is allowed to happen, my mother would be left with just the house we live in and a plot of land. The company, buildings and trucks carry the woman’s name. My mother is devastated, how would she be able to cope, he has given everything they worked for to another woman. The extended family supports his second wife because she has sons and her children are still young. Is there anything we can do?

Bimbo, Lagos

Hello Bimbo,

I sincerely empathize with you. Dealing with such daunting discoveries after losing a dear person can be quite overwhelming. The situation is a little complex given that your father married both women.

It is important to note that the law recognises both the statutory marriage (court marriage) and the customary or traditional marriage. The major contrast between the systems is that while the statutory marriage speaks to monogamy, Customary or Native law is potentially polygamous. From your explanation, your mother’s marriage to your father falls under the category of the customary marriage while his marriage to the other woman is a statutory marriage. Although a part of the Nigerian law upholds the potency of the customary law as binding, other legal principles suggest that any Customary marriage which precedes subsequent Statutory marriage would be rendered void by the subsequent statutory marriage

For the distribution of your father’s assets, if most of your father’s properties were purchased in the other woman’s name, then those said assets would be presumed by the law as belonging to her and it would be impossible for such assets to form part of your father’s assets or Estate. You may however be able to prove that the presumption of the other woman’s title to the assets if you can present any evidence of fraud, misrepresentation or show that she was only holding the assets on behalf of your late father.

Since your farther died intestate (without a Will), a critical point of concern is the subject of obtaining a letter of administration.  Particularly as there is a hierarchy of persons authorised to apply for this letter. The first person with a right to apply for the letter of administration would be his statutory wife (provided the Statutory Marriage is not voided) and the children (who are adults) following in order of priority.

If your father’s statutory marriage is found to be void by a court based on the provisions of the Marriage Act, then his assets will be distributed based on the existing customs that govern asset distribution in his culture. Otherwise, the distribution of your late father’s assets would be based on the relevant Administration of Estate Law. Most of those Laws (particularly in Lagos State and the States of the Old Western Region of Nigeria including Oyo State) provide that where the deceased had a statutory marriage, the surviving spouse would be entitled to the personal chattels (such as clothes, cars, furniture, jewellery etc) and a third of all assets of the deceased spouse.  The remaining two-thirds of the assets may then be shared amongst all the deceased’s children.

This situation shows why it is important to have a Will to prevent any sort of confusion as to the distribution of one’s assets. It also reveals that a Statutory Marriage offers greater advantages in the event of the demise and intestacy of a spouse than the traditional marriage. It likewise points to the fact that women should not assume the state of their husbands’ estates. They should themselves plan their estates and encourage their spouses to do the same.

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Source: Articles

Ask Shade: How Do I Convince My Husband to Write a Will?

Hi Shade,
I need your help to save my marriage. I ran into an old friend who bitterly recounted her ordeal in the hands of her in-laws after her husband’s unexpected death. I was greatly disturbed by her story, I kept wondering what would happen to us if anything happened to my husband. I run a small business, but my husband mostly provides for our welfare and the children’s education. So, I asked him if he was thinking of writing a Will as nobody knows tomorrow.

He has been angry with me since then and has refused to eat anything I cook, claiming if I don’t have plans to kill him, I wouldn’t be talking about a Will when he is barely forty years old and has not even built a house.

Please Shade, is he too young to have a Will? Can one put small things like share certificates, land, bank account, pension funds in a Will? If so, how can I convince him to write a Will?
Benita
Lagos, Nigeria.

***
Hello Benita,
I can imagine what you are going through. Your situation is not at all peculiar, we deal with cases like this a lot – women encountering obstacles in their attempt to propel their husbands towards estate planning. However, the widespread misconception has led many to erroneously assume that Wills are for the extremely wealthy, aged, or polygamous.
Planning your Estate (or distribution of your assets after demise) is a very good decision and you do not need to be rich before doing so. A Will can include assets such as your bank accounts, retirement savings account (pension funds), investments, real estate, shares and many other assets.

You may explain to your husband that a Will doesn’t mean unexpected death, a Will is in fact more about attaining peace of mind than preparing for death as it prevents assets from being subject to the rules of intestacy, native laws and customs and religious practices. Writing a Will ensures that one’s wishes are carried out and assets are distributed to loved ones and dependents as you wish thereby reducing the likelihood of conflicts and dispute amongst surviving family members.

Bear in mind that even at the age of 21, one can write a valid Will, so your husband is not too young to write a Will. Writing a Will also enables surviving family members to be able to identify and recover all the personal assets that a person might have accumulated over the years but which no one else may be aware of – such as bank accounts and investment accounts.

Wills are something most people are afraid to talk about. It might not be so easy to convince your husband from the onset because it is a very sensitive topic. However, you might want to find a time he is relaxed and in a good mood and talk to him about the advantages of a Will. You should also let your husband know that designating a next of kin does not automatically transfer assets to that person.

Furthermore, you should consider writing your own Will also at the same time that he is writing his. This should not only give him comfort, but also assure you as to your children’s wellbeing should anything happen to you. Since you have a business, however small, it is wise for you to take steps towards organising your estate as well.

If it seems like you are not able to convince him at first, do not fret, building trust and changing perception takes time. Keep at it, as lovingly as you can and hopefully, you’ll succeed. Regarding his refusal to eat meals at home, perhaps you can convince him of his safety by sharing the meal with him. Since you are not likely to poison yourself, he should be convinced the food is safe if you eat together, from the same plate.

I wish you all the best, I am certain your marriage will survive this little hurdle.

The post Ask Shade: How Do I Convince My Husband to Write a Will? appeared first on Realising Ambitions.

Source: Articles

Dear Shade,
I came across a few of your previous articles and I am hopeful that you will be able to help with my dilemma. I am the first child of my father who recently passed away. He had two wives and five children; one son and four daughters including me. My mother, his first wife had only daughters, while his second wife had a boy and a girl.

Besides my half-brother who has not been able to progress academically, we are all relatively successful in our careers and academics. My father did not have a will, so the family head is going to distribute the inheritance and he is about to give everything to my half-brother, the first and only son, in the name of tradition.

My brother is young and hardly responsible, my sisters and mum also feel cheated. I am worried that my half-brother will mismanage everything my father worked for. Is there anything I can do to ensure the inheritance is distributed among us all? Does tradition still count in this day and age? He left us houses, land, pension fund and cash in his bank account.
Ivie, from Edo state.
**
Hello Ivie,
Please accept my condolences on the passing of your father. Dealing with the loss of a close relative is never easy. The extra burden of sorting and distributing properties left behind can also be very stressful, especially when the deceased did not have a Will.

When a person dies without a Will, the intestacy rules, native laws and customs and religious rules of the deceased determine the succession of his properties (also known as “Estate”).

To determine which law would be applied, it would also be important to consider your father’s State of Origin. If your father was a Benin man (which I presume) subject to the customs of the Benin tradition, the law requires that the eldest surviving son would be entitled to the family house where your father lived after the performance of the second burial ceremonies while the remaining properties may be distributed amongst the remaining children.

In this scenario, your brother being the eldest son of your father may be entitled to your father’s family house, whilst the remaining of your father’s assets would be distributed amongst the you and all siblings.

Kindly note however that although the traditions may be adopted for the distribution of your father’s assets, those traditions must not on the basis of your gender, violate your rights. Based on a recently decided Supreme Court case, the rights of female children to inherit their parents’ properties was supported, and the Igbo tradition that disinherits female children was found no longer applicable. This means that where the local traditions are in any way contrary to your rights, they would be invalid in effecting the distribution of your father’s assets.

It is important that you strive to maintain family unity in your resolution. Perhaps a family meeting where the distribution process is clearly discussed and agreed upon by concerned persons would help. If you consider it necessary, you could employ the services of a lawyer to guide you on the Supreme Court’s landmark judgment on inheritance, especially as it affects women.

This situation and the accompanying hassle could easily have been avoided if your father had a Will. It is important that you take a learning from this and as such commence planning your estate in good time.

The post Ask Shade: My Late Father’s Family Head Wants to Give the Family House to Our Irresponsible Half-Brother appeared first on Realising Ambitions.

Source: Blog

Ask Shade- Mrs. My Son is Irresponsible

Dear Shade,
My husband and I have only one son who has refused to do anything serious with his life, because he assumes all of our wealth will come to him and there is no need for him to work.
Although we intend for him to inherit all that we have, I want him to learn responsibility before we hand over our group of companies to him. I would like for him to come into his inheritance only after he has successfully proven his responsibility, perhaps after having held employment with a proper organisation for a minimum of five years.
Is there a provision in a trust to ensure this happens whether or not we are alive to enforce it?
Kofo, Lagos

**

Hello Kofo,
Thanks for reaching out. Your situation is not peculiar. It is very common for children born into affluent families to grow up with an entitlement mindset. This often affects their drive and leaves them completely unambitious and reliant on the family wealth.

While it is important that we provide for our children and give them a good quality of life as much as we can afford, it is also essential that we teach them from the cradle the value of hard work and independence. We must remind them that everything they enjoy is a result of our commitment to work and that they must strive to create a life for themselves also. They should see their parents’ wealth as a good foundation, or a stepping stone, a pedestal on which they can build their own legacies, win their own laurels and claim their own victories. However, some children refuse to learn diligence regardless of the parents’ efforts.

You are thinking in the right direction. Setting up a Trust is a very effective way to preserve your wealth for your son while attempting to reengineer his attitude to work. Regarding the possibility of withholding his inheritance till he has proven his responsibility, yes, this is possible. Such exigencies can be catered to.

You can either create a spendthrift Trust or include spendthrift provisions in the Trust, which would restrict your son from directly accessing the funds in the Trust until he acts in a more responsible manner – as may be ascertained by the Trustee. The Trust would hold direct interest in your assets and would only distribute some of the returns of those assets to your son where he meets the standards of responsible living that you may have prescribed. Your assets would therefore be professionally managed and would not be dissipated by your son. Your son would, however, be able to receive benefits from the Trust over time once he is acting responsibly.

Apart from setting up the Trust, you and your spouse can also sit your son down for a long heart to heart discussion. You can lovingly explain to him your dreams and expectations of him while reiterating your confidence in his abilities and willingness to support his ambitions. You can never tell, he could have a career path he is passionate about and eager to pursue.

While it may not particularly be related to the family business, supporting him in his chosen field will give him the leeway to learn responsibility and ultimately prepare him for his family fortune. Who knows? His idea could grow into a lucrative arm of the family’s group of companies.

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Source: Blog